Politics | Studies, essays, thesises » Joseph H. Friedman - Voting Aliens, Donald Trump and Me

Source: http://www.doksinet C OMME N TARY Voting Aliens, Donald Trump and Me JOSEPH H. FRIEDMAN, MD joseph friedman@brown.edu I was surprised to learn were questions about irradium rays to control thought pro- that a very old study of travel abroad, to parts of cesses, to make people not see aliens and mine had been cited by the United States, where to make those who do see them, forget President Trump. He used par ticular infectious what they saw. Aluminum foil hats are it to support his belief organisms are found, and extremely effective in stopping the rays that he had received more to other planets and gal- from entering the brain. votes than Hillary Clin- axies. Alien abductions Trump has seen the aliens himself. “I ton, and that her seeming to other planets are a not wear very thin, see-through aluminum majority of the vote count uncommon problem in foil brain protectors and I’ve seen them. was due to the millions of southern California. They

usually appear, I mean, haven’t illegal aliens who voted. My study, published When that study was you all seen, well maybe if they don’t presented and then pub- look different, they’re always on voting only in abstract form, was a retrospec- lished, as an abstract, it was clear that lines. Especially in New Mexico, Ari- tive examination of alien abductions in the term “alien abduction” referred to zona, and those terrible combat zones southern California as a distinguishing extra-terrestrial abductions, not people in African-American communities. history between people who voted for from Mexico and other south-of-the- They’re full of them. They’re all over George HW Bush and Bill Clinton in border alien countries. It was also clear the place. They’re a big problem The 1992 (J Irreproduc Res. 1993; 13:354-8) that this applied only to people with Par- biggest and everyone’s making believe In the parlance of medicine we would kinson’s disease

and not to the general they’re not there. It’s time for a change” say that being abducted by aliens was a population. I had no information on the The president reported that the real “risk factor” for voting for Bush. That wider population, and, to the best of my problem with extra-terrestrial aliens study was based on a chance obser- knowledge, none was ever published. voting is that it is not illegal for them vation. I had learned from patients in It was initially not clear in President to vote. The legal bans on aliens all refer my clinic, then located in Los Angeles, Trump’s statement how he was really to human aliens. Extra-terrestrial aliens that many more who told me that they using the term, “alien.” In his speech on take over the brains of real humans had voted for George HW Bush than for March 15, he discussed the “well known and thus control their voting. Thus, Bill Clinton, also told me that they had and stupidly suppressed,

big-time alien by focusing on human aliens, no state suffered extra-terrestrial abductions. I landing strip near Hanger 54.” He even agency has found evidence of vote tam- thought it was worth a quick study to tweeted, “Hanger 54! All those alien pering or illegals voting. The real issue, see if this really was true. landings! They’re here! They’ve been he notes, is the question of legality. The intake questionnaires for neu- here for 30 years! Voting for bum dems. Nowhere in the Constitution, states rology departments in California had Look it up. Interspellar stupid” [Sic former Deputy Attorney John Oo, does already taken a very serious approach Interstellar] His next tweet, “Check the word “human” appear, or “DNA.” to identifying risk factors for the major out Dr. Friedman’s spectacular study The idea of aliens from another planet neurological disorders, particularly on aliens. A super scientist studied the never crossed the minds of

the framers Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases. aliens! Ignored! Wear aluminum hats.” of the Constitution. They were con- Aside from asking about exposures to Why wear aluminum hats? It is cerned with people born in a different cigarettes, caffeine and pesticides, there known that certain alien groups use country. Now we know better and know W W W. R I M E D O R G | ARCHIVES | APRIL WEBPAGE APRIL 2017 RHODE ISLAND MEDICAL JOURNAL 7 Source: http://www.doksinet C OMME N TARY trends in an election in a very narrow subset of the general population, we now have a leap of intellectual boundaries. This is an excellent example of misused statistics, generalizing from a very narrow population. Clearly, there are a number of studies that need to be performed, including the very obvious one of taking a sample of people who voted against the president and doing the extremely extreme vetting, to see how many were truly extra-terrestrials. It is also possible that these

voters were largely alien abductees whose brains were modified in ways that do not show up on routine MRI or CT imaging and were not actually aliens, and may be difficult to identify. Unfortunately, you can’t tell if this is an April Fool’s satire, or real life. v Author Joseph H. Friedman, MD, is Editor-in-chief of the Rhode Island Medical Journal, Professor and the Chief of the Division of Movement Disorders, Department of LIBRARY OF CONGRESS Neurology at the Alpert Medical School of Brown University, chief of Butler Hospital’s Movement Disorders Program and first recipient of the Stanley Aronson Chair in Neurodegenerative Disorders. THE M O S T I MP O RTA N T T HING IN T HE UNIVER SE. The MartiansYag be thanked, it’s all over! Disclosures on website We can get a little sleep now that we know how the New York election came out. that many, at least three million voters Inc; www. Trump@ MadHatterscom) for Hillary Clinton, according to Trump, “The only way to prevent

aliens from were not “illegal aliens,” but “not-ille- taking over regular people’s brains and gal-or-legal aliens” from another planet. making them vote against me is extremely “BIG Constitutional problem. The BIG- extreme vetting, and believe me, that’s GEST! Close loophole now or we all get what we’re going to have from now on.” kidnapped to GLX37B. Worst galaxy in It is an unusual situation for a clinical the universe! Bad place! Wear your alumi- researcher to be in. Having discovered num hats.” (Fashionable aluminum brain that an increased incidence of alien protectors available from Trump Hatters, abductions was associated with voting W W W. R I M E D O R G | ARCHIVES | APRIL WEBPAGE APRIL 2017 RHODE ISLAND MEDICAL JOURNAL 8 Source: http://www.doksinet Your records are secure. Until they’re not. Data theft can happen to anyone, anytime. A misplaced mobile device can compromise your personal or patient records. RIMS IBC can get you

the cyber liability insurance you need to protect yourself and your patients. Call us. 401-272-1050 I N C O O P E R AT I O N W I T H RIMS IBC R IMS I N SUR A N C E B ROKE R AG E COR P O R AT I O N 4 0 5 PRO M E NA D E S T RE E T, S U I T E B, PROV I D E NC E RI 02 9 08-4811 MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL/ CYBER LIABILITY P R O P E RT Y / C A S UA LT Y L I F E / H E A LT H / D I S A B I L I T Y Source: http://www.doksinet C OMME N TARY Medical Bureau: Mid-Century Switchboard Connected Patients and Physicians HERBERT RAKATANSKY, MD A providence resident In the early 1950s, there The “exchange” service was dropped, with an urgent medical were about 3,000 “emer- probably in the 1970s, and the MB problem in the mid 1940s gency” calls annually became a pure answering service. had limited choices. You (more than 8/day). A “siz- The MB was located in the basement could call your doctor, able majority” occurred of the old RI Medical Society (RIMS) but even if your

doctor during the night. A report building on Francis Street. Initially had an answering service in 1954 indicates that there were 3 operators but the num- the operator might not every call received a phy- ber increased to 9 in 1950 as volume be able to find him (no sician response. About increased to 400 calls per day. There was cell phones or beepers). 50% of the calls were for also a supervisor, Heather Kraft (not her There were no urgent care non-urgent issues and it real name). The operators worked on a centers and emergency was noted that 1/3 of the beautiful wooden switchboard, like the rooms generally were not used, as they patients who were actually seen never ones you see in the old movies. The MB are today, for non-emergency care. paid the doctor. More than a few new functioned well for over 30 years and At a three-hour Providence Medical doctors in Providence jump-started their seemed to need and actually received Association (PMA) executive

committee practices this way. In my first year in little oversight from the PMA. meeting in 1945, there was discussion of practice (1967) I made a few such visits The trouble started in 1980 and 1981. establishing a medical telephone answer- and several of those patients stayed in The PMA needed to loan the MB over ing service but no action was taken. In my practice till I retired 41 years later! $10,000. It was quickly discovered that 1946, the PMA formed an “exchange” to answer urgent calls directly from patients. The exchange would contact a willing PMA member to respond. The doctor then phoned the patient and determined if care, possibly a house call, was needed and, if so, how urgently. In 1949, the PMA spent $1,400 to establish the Medical Bureau (MB), a telephone answering service exclusively for PMA members, and the tale of its unhappy demise 34 years later sheds light on a little known saga in PMA history. In addition to being an answering service, the MB

continued the work of the exchange, accepting requests for urgent medical care directly from patients and became an effective stimulus for PMA membership. W W W. R I M E D O R G | ARCHIVES | This advertisement for the Medical Bureau ran in the 1977 edition of the Rhode Island Medical Journal. APRIL WEBPAGE APRIL 2017 RHODE ISLAND MEDICAL JOURNAL 10 Source: http://www.doksinet C OMME N TARY Heather had no written records of the the operators was married to a member Life support was withdrawn on workings at the MB. The salaries, sched- of the laborer’s union and the 27 opera- November 14, 1983 and the MB passed ules, vacations, etc., were in Heather’s tors voted quickly and unanimously to away peacefully. head. At that time there were 27 oper- join this union. The autopsy revealed equipment with ators, the old switchboard was failing In the next few months the PMA virtually no resale value and the large and replacement parts were no longer realized that

telephone answering ser- outstanding loan from Old Stone Bank. available. vices (at that time) were mostly “mom The money invested in restoration of the An audit revealed cash assets of and pop,” low-overhead operations building was not recoverable. Because $1,054, expenses of $294,217, and with little rent and family members the MB was a separate corporate entity unpaid bills of $18,019. With unjus- often acting as operators, accountants, there was no liability of the PMA. The tified optimism, the PMA decided to etc. The MB’s business model was not PMA, however, felt a moral obligation buy a new computerized switchboard financially sustainable. to try to repay Old Stone Bank and and incorporate the MB as a separate In November1982 Heather was requested a $200 voluntary donation business entity with the stock wholly replaced. The union sent a negotiator, from its members. More than 170 mem- owned by PMA. As PMA president in a burly, somewhat

intimidating gen- bers responded. $34,250 was received 1982-‘83, I was also chair of the MB. tleman, obviously more accustomed to and used to pay debts, mostly to Old Major building renovations for safety negotiating for similarly burly laborers Stone Bank. and efficiency were required as well. than middle-aged telephone operators. Having lost its only essential func- To facilitate the resurrection of the The MB then hired a labor lawyer who, tion, PMA survives now in name only, MB, a bank loan was necessary. The then to our immense relief, informed us that and patients’ communications needs current bank servicing PMA refused he would be our only avenue of com- currently are better served by sophis- the loan as the PMA had no assets. In munication with the union rep. Nego- ticated answering services plus tech- March of 1982, Old Stone Bank agreed tiations, however, were non-productive. nology mostly inconceivable at that to finance the new switchboard and

the By April 1983 the situation was des- renovations to the building. The loan perate. The MB was put up for sale but (The current Medical Bureau is related made to the newly incorporated MB (not there were no buyers. Customers started to the deceased MB in name only and to PMA) required 84 monthly payments to abandon ship. We even offered to has no connection to PMA or RIMS.) v of $2,873.81 sell the MB to the union for $1. They Additionally, the MB operators were unhappy that the new system generated not-so-distant time. declined our offer. We could not even Author give away the MB! data, such as how long it took to answer So that no doctor would be at risk of Herbert Rakatansky, MD, FACP, FACG, calls, how long the conversations lasted, losing their 24/7 answering services, is Clinical Professor of Medicine Emeri- how many calls they made, etc. This $5700 was expended to install lines to tus,The Warren Alpert Medical School kind of productivity feedback was

a new divert the calls to the A-1 answering of Brown University. concept and they were wary of it. One of service in Pawtucket. W W W. R I M E D O R G | ARCHIVES | APRIL WEBPAGE APRIL 2017 RHODE ISLAND MEDICAL JOURNAL 11 Source: http://www.doksinet Finally, some good news about insurance for medical professionals We have partnered with the Rhode Island Medical Society to offer an exclusive Concierge Program designed specifically for medical professionals to save on their personal and business insurance. Contact Robert A. Anderson, AAI at 4012721050 – randerson@rimsibccom Exclusive Insurance Partners Home & Autos | Boats | Umbrella Liability | Flood | Business Insurance 1401 Newport Avenue, Pawtucket | 1085 Park Avenue, Cranston 405 Promenade Street, Suite B, Providence butlerandmessier.com